slow dancing in a burning room. ♥

I hear the strings of the guitar twang with the passion of a southern accent, and I already know it’s a sad melody. It’s something befitting the mood I’ve just entered; something not too far off the base of a mellow Sunday night. The thing is, it’s not Sunday. It’s Thursday. And it’s the early morning; before the birds have begun their morning song and before the livers of the summer months have even turned their television sets off. The bass enhancers are on high, and I can feel the vibration of every string ringing and reverberating through my ears.

What I feel right now is a strange thing, if it can be described. I’ve been gifted a rare euphoria to string together the past few days. I got to watch football, involved my family, felt a passion for something that ignited the remains of the happiness I once felt. It seems a little too depressing hearing that. But, it’s really not. It’s always sad to admit that you can’t exactly remember what it was to be happy.

For me, it’s kind of like. I stopped a lot of things, changed so subtly I barely realized I was losing parts of myself – the parts that I loved – and before I knew it I ended up where I am now.

I stopped writing for a while, as you can see. I stuck to making pretty things using online images, and then ceased that after some time as well. And I can honestly say that when you start faltering in faith you start losing yourself. I would know from experience. It doesn’t make me a coward admitting that I’ve failed so many times. It’s made me stronger, because I know that I can learn from the mistakes I’ve made. And I do move forward and I do get better and I do have a thing for fixing things.

So, with the help of God I’m going to fix up my life. Starting with shedding off the things that weren’t good for me. I’ve already cut out AIM and MSN for the time being. I’m spending less time online, trying to get some time outside. Soaking up some vitamin D. I’m trying to move past stupid things.

To be honest, if you think that I’m not happy right now. You’re wrong. And I’m a fool for misleading you. I’m ridiculously happy. Euphoric, even. The movie I just saw has me slightly teary (Pearl Harbor) but I’m generally so happy. The fixes I started since mid-june or so have begun to turn the shell-me around.

And I could credit a load of my happiness to FIFA. Yes, Football is a big reason I’m dorkily happy. Fernando Torres, Villa, Navas, Xavi, Alonso, Ramos, Puyol, Llorente, Casillas, Pique, Fabregas, Capdevilla, my entire Spain team. The English team, the entirety of the world cup has made me ridiculously happy. And Fernando tops the list. With Football, of course, I must give credit to elsewhere too. My family, though we’ve of course been through a hell of a lot of rough patches, have helped a tad bit. (If you see cracks in my room wall, you could probably blame my family for that… I’m kind of ridiculous and punch walls when I’m angry…)

Veronica Mars; with a special shout out to Jason Dohring/Logan Echolls for his amazing character. The invisible mustache twirling and the banter was love. I owe a shout out to my homies: Britt, Jenn, Els; Saf, Saff, Ace, Waff, Lee, Jeebos, Sally, whoever elseee. Y’all probably already know. But I have to say, a large, large accolade goes out to my biff Shazzy and my cousins Rid and Riy.

I’m kind of spaztastic when I post, so I also apologize for that. This is the story of my life, therefore organization is NOT accepted.

So let me tell you what I had a dream about. The other night I had a dream about Fernando Torres and he was like, in the middle of his Nike advert shoot and I was just walking around. Except, we were in RIVENDALE. Which, I realized later was probably because I had been thinking about his tattoo which is in Elvish. He has an inner dork. Which makes him far more adorkable than anyone, ever.

Sorry, I’m obsessed, I had to go on a tangent about him. It was necessary for my sanity.

Alright. I’m just going to say…I’ve changed a hell of a lot since I last wrote these things, don’t even remember how easily it used to flow. I got distracted for like, ten minutes just now reading some shady stuff about Cristiano Ronaldo. It’s sad to say he was my love before I learned of Fernando Torres. And it’s easy to see that Nando’s so much better for someone. I liked Ronaldo and I read his wiki and then wanted to play football. I love Nando and I want to take more Spanish classes, be smarter, play football, and become more cultured. I would also like to travel the world and attempt to find a career path that’s awesome (preferably working for FIFA, perhaps?). Nando makes me think about my future.

That has to speak volumes, right?

Anyway, today I found three Jerseys I basically want as much as I want to meet Nando. It was his away & home Spain jerseys, and Villa’s Spain jersey. If I had money, I’d have bought them AND then found Torres’ Liverpool jersey. But I live here, where my sister can buy $80 worth of things in the mall on Monday, and Tuesday I want my three Jerseys and I’m not allowed.

So whatever.

God has my back.

What else can I possibly talk about? Oh, I generally would like to apologize to the world for how ridiculous I am sometimes. If I have ever hurt someone, didn’t mean to. If you think I don’t like you, that’s false. I like everyone, everything. I’m on my way to being a Philanthrope. As much as I possibly can be, where I am. Hm, I love life, don’t think I’ll be letting anything slip by anytime soon. I wish I could capture moments better. Perhaps I need a better camera or something, but we’ll deal with that later.

All in all. I just got distracted again by the Kickettes website and their F5 stuff. Nando’s on the list. I think, if you like pretty smesh men, you should look: http://store-na.fifa.com/detail.php?p=264593&v=fifa_national-teams_spain

And I’ll leave you with another happy treat.

smesh.

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